It’s February 16th and I’m back.
Monday February 14th, I wanted to give up completely. I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain in my hips and low back. My mobility has been impaired. I tried yoga in various forms but things continued to get worse. I got to the point where being able to tolerate even the motion of the car and its effect on my hips and back felt impossible. I was back to shuffling with the Leki walking sticks and using the walker. My daughter and granddaughter are coming this weekend and I was concerned that I couldn’t do much of anything with them. and I hate the stress it puts on my family when I’m struggling. I had a blood transfusion a week and a half ago so my energy should be OK, at least for a while. So . . . that evening as I was praying and Ed (my partner},was kneeling by my bed, just holding my hand, I prayed for courage and patience.
A quote from Gurumayi comes to mind. It’s one of the daily contemplation's from the book Resonate with Stillness.
You can make hundreds of resolutions
each year, yet God has the power to give
you what He believes is good for you.
So the best thing to ask for is patience.
Pray, “O Lord, give me whatever You feel
I’m worthy of, and then give me the patience
and strength to understand Your gift and
put it into practice.”
You may come up with hundreds of wishes,
nevertheless, if you don’t have the patience
to receive God’s gift, then everything goes
to waste. Therefore, pray for patience.
Again and again, pray for patience.
How do I practice patience as I walk my path? Look for the light that streams through. I focus on being present and experiencing gratitude.
A week and a half ago I was sitting in the waiting room across from Mercy Hospital, waiting to be cross typed for my blood transfusion. A lady entered and asked, “how is your day going?” She was clearly aware of me and very present. In fact she startled me. I mumbled OK. She proceeded to say, “I guess I’m having a better day than you right now.” There was no judgment in her statement, and it wasn’t so much her words, it was her presence. We were two human beings together for this brief moment, and we could take that moment to care and be compassionate with each other. That’s what I experienced, because of her presence.
She proceeded to sit in a small office love seat, right next to me. I hadn't noticed her husband right behind her, so I was surprised when this man began to sit next to her by saying, “ is there enough room? She began to move over smiling and said "sure , I can make room.” She was rather round-bottomed . It was when she patted him fondly on his back that I got that they had been together a long time. They seemed to be in their 60's. I didn’t know why they were there but he said to her, “this is OK. They’ll try the procedure and see how it goes. And this is just like being at home." The TV in the waiting room was on. He said, “ the TV is on and we’re sitting together." He paused and said, “one thing is different." Then he raised his arm and put it around her shoulders. There was such a quiet pleasant quality to both of them. She had a soft neck brace on. It was obvious that they both had their challenges, and yet there they were sitting together enjoying this particular moment together. I felt more relaxed and grateful in their presence. Ed had gone out to get me a raw vegetable drink and some wheat grass and he returned. I hadn’t expected to need a transfusion so soon and I had been caught off guard and hadn’t brought any food with me. I was again reminded of Ed’s infinite kindness -- of his willingness to just keep walking on this strange path we’re on.
I feel so grateful for his tenacious support, no matter what comes up.
I was more aware of myself being in the presence of human beings each finding their way to be in the moment. Their light naturally illumined their beings. The love in the room became palpable and generously shared.
Gurumayi says in her book The Magic of the Heart, Reflections on Divine Love,
It should not be a surprise
that we want to spread God’s light in this world.
That is why we are born.
The purpose of human birth
is to live the life of God,
a life filled with love.
For Valentine’s Day, Ed gave me a card that had a picture of the back of a couple sitting on a bench looking at scenery. His arm was around her. It said, “Happiness is having you close to me.” The love he expressed in that card helped me get through the day.
Keep the faith. Be present. Let your light shine. It makes a difference. Blessings and Peace,